November 01, 2007

The Halloween Blogpower Roundup!

I am honoured today to be rounding up some of the best posts from the Blogpower collective over the last month- Hallowe'en having just passed (thanks to the ever precise Higham for a spellcheck), we have the ghoulish and the ghostly and the downright despicable, there are skeletons falling out of cupboards, poltergeists messing with the constitution, fiends in the comment boxes and other nasty surprises. Oh yes this is one for you to read with a nice cup of tea by a warm fire as the wind whispers the names of the long dead in your ears.

And so our tale begins, on a dark and windswept night, with curious Yew Berries deposited through the forest, I made my way with some friends over to the Blogpower camp. LadyM waxed lyrical about dinners she had had in Morocco, but even she was struck dumb when she saw how Welshcakes welcomed in the winter. Everyone was feeling good: leaning back and looking at the planets with Crushed by Ingsoc, marvelling with Mutley at the decline of the Chuckle Brothers, just agreeing with Ruthie that having Little C around makes everything worthwhile and looking at Age in the Mind's snaps of Tokyo James was sitting in a corner wondering about being alone until his commenters came over with one of Tuscan Tony's ice cream black puddings- James looked quite green for the rest of the evening! To be honest I got slightly worried when all these people started chatting with Ellee about how they weren't superstitious but believed in ghosts- slight logical problem methinks and often logical problems lead to disaster in the blogosphere!

But all seemed quiet, all was pleasant and we were all settling down in sleeping bags- though Ruthie was absorbing the patter of the rain on her tent wall, self imposed insomnia she calls it whilst JMB lay dreaming of things that might have been. Suddenly there was a scream- no it wasn't Baht at seeing a last remnant of the Bradford textile industry, it wasn't even the Pub Philosopher having another nightmare as he tried to work out Gordon's Bill of Rights it was much much worse than that. It wasn't even as bad as that image of Gordon and a Badger that Harry had put into my brain earlier that evening. My bones rattle as I tell of this horror. It was the sight of a government, that doesn't and I tremble to type the words, know right from wrong.

That is right, screams clogged the frosty air as we all realised, as we all saw houses demolished before our very eyes, Ian from Shades of Grey heard a spectral voice intoning the Queen's Speech, one voice tried to lure Stephen Bainbridge away from his tent with promises of liberty, Stephen like a sane fellow was able to resist and one very odd ghost kept on turning round and round talking about the morality of marriageBut all around us a cacophony of voices were raised in mutinous tumult. All around us the threat grew- the threat we realised of dead speechwriters arisen from their graves and coming back to torment us- the Dodo team had told us of their deaths why oh why hadn't we listened and realised they might return. I felt as isolated as George Bush. In all this noise no artist could hope to be heard without aggressive marketing. Not even a dog hero or a good strategy to get us out of Iraq could save us now. Indeed now down came hordes of creepy things, personages of absolute vileness, some of us later dressed up like them and JMB got the pics- imagine those things flying out of a darkened forest on a rainy windy night!

Well as I'm sure you are all aware, the Blogpower universe has special resources. Yeah that's right some of us can give numbers and words colours, some of us can imagine a room with a view anywhere we go. While Jams wracked his brains about what we could learn from nuclear disasters when facing ghosts and Andrew stoically reminded everyone that as David Cameron has just found out a week is a long time in politics and these guys couldn't go on for ever, Crushed distracted the ghosts on Ian Appleby's site with a history of the Catholic Church's attitude to science. Just as he finished up popped Theo with a story about pilots in World War Two and how two had found each other years later. But it was a new man, on his first outing, who worked it out- suddenly the long haired hippy by my side struck his head and said "I know its those long commenters, get a code of conduct and we can drive away the trolls on whom the ghosts rely for food"- everyone nodded and we all started frantically deleting all those long ad hominem anonymous commenters! Nothing if not resourceful, Heather suddenly said hey this is just informational overload, what we need is a strategy to filter the ghosts and take them on one by one, just like the internet you can't deal with more than one ghost at a time or more than one website.

They were still attacking but now we had their measure. Welshcakes found a particularly repellent ghoul and sent him away by telling him he would repress the internet, Tony sent Jacques Delors's ghost reeling by summing up Europe in about 200 words. The Tin Drummer struck with a well aimed literary joke. The Wardman Wire punched Alex Salmond back to the ropes with a great hit. It was swinging our way! These weren't ghosts, they were just politicians armed with faulty statistics and alarmist health reports. Thunderdragon caught one of the health scares and stripped him of his white cloak and found a host of untruths hiding below. The Norfolk Blogger recognised how self interested they were, protecting their own funding. Ghosts hate generosity so when Tom Paine threw out a link to Prodicus they shuddered.We were all in accord and the ghosts, they vanished as quickly as they had come, the noise repressed, the arguments destroyed, the ghouls vanquished!

We fell to a swift slumber- and then morning arrived and time to discuss what had happened. James was absolutely clear, the bloggers have neglected the main issue again, we'd let the ghost's take over. He nominated that we all reread what Crushed said about a UK President. His Lordship pointed out that too much idiocy existed in the world, I argued that there weren't any good lists of geniuses out there. The meeting dissolved in chaos- but at least we had driven off the ghosts and ghouls- that is until next month!

10 comments:

jmb said...

Well done Gracchi, love the theme. Setting the bar even higher once again. Thanks for the inclusion.

Ian Appleby said...

Move over Dr Frankenstein! It might be stitched together from bits of other blogs, but you can't see the joins and it holds together beautifully. That's a scarily good roundup, congratulations.

Unpremeditated said...

Fantastic work. And many apologies for not getting round to making a submission. I promise I'll try and do better in future.

ThunderDragon said...

Absolutely fantastic! I bow down before your round-up greatness!

Count James d'Estaing said...

Top job, Tiberius - hell of a lot in here.

Welshcakes Limoncello said...

Fantastic. Love the way you've handled it. And thanks for including me. Coming back to digest it all properly later. Auguri.

Andrew Allison said...

Brilliant! Looking at the links will keep me busy for hours. Very well done.

Grendel said...

Good job Sir.

A great selection superbly linked together.

We are not worthy.

Tuscan Tony said...

Excellent roundup, some fine posts linked to there, thanks vey much

Retiredandcrazy said...

Have I stumbled into a parallel universe?